that life is entirely too short for love to be expendable. too often we figure love will be there, in one form or another. so we fail to recognize it; not only in ourselves but in others. it also seems that many times, telling people seems too hard or "too cheesy" or "it isn't the right time" or we're afraid to let ourselves become vulnerable. but life is too short. its too short to live in fear of what someone might say or how someone might react. i once was told "we are a society in need of love; for love is great and above all things what moves this world" and in every possible sense... through every word, every letter... it brings truth. in our own lives, how many times have there been where you wished you had done or said something more? but you held back.. whether it have been in fear or in uncertainty, you still held back. you figured, you'd have plenty more chances right? but what if you didnt? what if now was the only chance you had... what if everything depended on one moment and that was it? the moment disappeared forever... i know this concept has been stretched and re-told in every which way, but maybe it has been for a reason. we may not always 'live each day like its our last'; but couldn't we say what we mean and mean what we say and tell everyone how we feel? have people become so scared of their own emotions that the risk is becoming less and less worth it?

"love wins. love always wins."

i'm getting off topic though... i know these may just be the ramblings of a silly girl and i may be hard for many of you to take seriously, but honestly i say this from experience. each and every individual is guilty of not letting someone else know exactly what he/she means to him/her... we live life accepting that people assume. we fail to speak the words "i appreciate", "i love", "i care", etc. because it makes us vulnerable to someone else.

"without love, we are birds with broken wings."

whether its a family member, a close friend, or someone you barely know, tell them. tell them what they mean to you, regardless of your fears/doubts or pride or assuming they know. tell them. it can only make a person's day a little bit brighter.

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." -Tuesdays with Morrie

... but here i am.

i'm happy. but scared. and confused. all at the same time. and i'm still trying to figure out life. i'm taking life day by day, and i've stopped living in fear of the future. rather, i'm excited to see what every new day brings me. some may say this is risky business... some may say i need to "plan" for the future. but, i've learned that life throws you curve balls and no matter how prepared you think you are, you're never fullly ready for the challenges it poses. 

i'm happy due to recent events. okay, so maybe its just one event, but still... i don't know how long it has been since i have last felt this... excited about the future. i find myself smiling for no apparent reason... laughing a lot more and being a whole lot more pleasant in general [[not to say i wasn't pleasant before]]. i love getting messages for no reason other than to say "goodnight & sweet dreams" : ]

i'm scared for obvious reasons. for obvious reasons that many girls fear. i'm afraid that everything could fall through at any given moment and that by that moment, i may have already put my entire heart into it. i know that you'll never know how great something is until you take the risk, but what if the other person can't assure you that you're not the only one? i know the feelings are there and mutual, i'm just scared of history repeating itself and ending up broken hearted again.

i'm confused. simply because he is a boy and i am a girl and things between the two hearts are always complicated and a bit confusing. 


through all of my emotions, i'm ready. for whatever life brings me. i am expecting the unexpected and loving every minute of it.

i wonder why God made me the oldest. 

i wonder why He made me the "reliable" one.

i wonder why i wasn't born with a messed up brain.

i wonder why i wasn't the one that "almost didn't make it".

i wonder why He picked me to be "the example".

i wonder why He made me the "strong" one.

the "successful" one. the "patient" one. 

"the one everyone can depend on... can trust... can learn from."




sometimes... i think He made a mistake.